Thinking about Tom Selleck, a lake monster and Her

The Lake Manitou Monster

I started covering this story when I was a young reporter on MTV (no, not that lame Music Television), I'm talking about the now defunct Manitoulin Television. I'm still sorting out my feelings for my time spent at Manitoulin TV with my therapist. Perhaps I will blog about that in the future. They were good times and bad times and a time when a young Terry lost out on the person who ended up being his one true love. But I was too stupid and too career driven to realize all that I really needed was right in front of me. If I wasn't so stupid. If I wasn't so stubborn. If I had just pulled my pants up five seconds earlier, things may have been different. I may have ended up, well, happy. I haven't thought about her in a long, long time. I miss her... Anyway, this post isn't about her. I digress.

Much like TW: Undercover, MTV covered hard-hitting issues and events of the day on Manitoulin Island. You may think that covering news for an island is kinda lame, but I should remind you that Manitoulin Island is the LARGEST fresh water island in the WORLD. That's right. Not just North America, but the entire world. It was a young reporter's dream and it was there that I won my first Golden Haweater Award while exposing the truth behind who really owned the Magnum Express. Let's just say, he had tight shorts, a bushy moustache and didn't like being woken up early in the morning by a gassy cameraman (sorry Zeke) stowing away in the lower decks. In case you didn't figure it out, the owner of that boat was Tom Selleck.

I just want to say one thing about Tom Selleck. While I admire his body of work (for those of you who think of "Quigley Down Under" as a poor Indiana Jones, I invite you to take a second look), I've got some real problems with him as a man.

I was out on assignment one day, covering the repainting of the bridge that connects Little Current to the mainland when Zeke and I stopped at a french fry truck for lunch. Anyway, I was next in line and I was trying to decide between ketchup flavoured chips or dill pickle flavoured chips when Tom Selleck totally jipped in line and not only took the last bag of ketchup chips, he ALSO had the audacity to buy the last bag of Humpty Dumpty Cheddar Corns. Said he needed them for the long boat ride back to his cabin. Grade A Hollywood jerk. We thought we filmed the whole thing, turns out Zeke ran out of battery. Lucky Tom!

Anyway, that led me to my first encounter with the Lake Manitou Monster. We decided to follow Selleck out to his cabin and maybe throw rocks at his cabin and break a window or two when Zeke and I stopped to pee. As I was finishing up, I looked up and realized something was out there. About 50-70 yards offshore. By then, Zeke had charged his battery enough to catch a glimpse of the monster. But as quickly as he was there, he was gone.

I knew that when I finally got my own series, we'd do a story on that there monster. Although not as famous as Nessy, the Lake Champlain monster or the freakishly giant Cool Creek Crawdads, this thing is bad. Just ask Stacey Felix -- who lost his legs to the creature. Or Rick Drake, whose son had a promising career with his David Bowie tribute band, "The Major Tom Express," until he was swallowed whole in the summer of '92. It's said that on a clear and quiet night you can hear the faint cry of Suffragette City coming from the depths of the lake. That song can really get stuck in your head. I don't mind, but a lot of other people out there sure do I can tell you that. At least he's not singing "Blue Jeans."

So here's the episode I pulled from the vault. Enjoy...

Cloverfield - Exclusive Pic

Saw Cloverfield this weekend with Jeff Conaway & Seth Binzer (Shifty Shellshock from Crazytown). I loved it. It was a brilliant concept, but it certainly left you wanting more explanation.

This is another example of Zeke and my brilliance before our time. I mean, we basically came up with the Blair Witch Project and Cloverfield in like 4 days time in 1985. Except for some special effects in Cloverfield, we could have shot both movies with the equipment we had. Shaky camera and all. And IT WAS REAL!

Of course, the Haunted House of Manitoulin, The Haunted Swamp, and Halloween (and maybe even the lost Haunted Boathouse episode) easily contained all of the elements for Blair Witch. Cloverfield was the Lake Manitou Monster with Corruption in Indianapolis as the back drop.

What's next... a "true" documentary about smuggling drugs into the US in the holes of White Castle Hamburgers!!!! Anyway, sorry to spoil it, but here is a picture of the Cloverfield monster:

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You may not mind, butalottaotherpeoplesuredo

It's been 20 long years since the last Terry Waters: Undercover episode aired.  That's a long time. Many of the fan sites have speculated about my whereabouts, my supposed controversial disappearance... and the like.  There was a veritable cornucopia of theories put forth by the media and the self imposed conspiracy "experts" - silenced in one way or another by the likes of the White Castle Corporation, Neil Glaze,  drug cartels, even by that dirty hippie Jerome that fell victim to the sting that Zeke and I put together.  Others looked at supernatural forces, I'm sure due to my constant push of the spiritual envelope.  

The fact of the matter is really quite simple.... I lost my vigor for undercover work.  When a man's life work early in life exceeds the boundaries of his dreams,  it can make him complacent and he can lose that "thirst" for his vocation.

This was only one element of my journey into obscurity.  The drug addiction was another.  In a way, the drug cartels DID silence Terry Waters.  It started with a simple, innocent skim off the bushels at Glaze Rope... after all I was planning on attending a Ratt concert.  But that benign puff of hemp started a hurricane inside me that gained strength with each passing year.  

Soon I was banking on celebrity status and "insider" designation to obtain massive amounts of cocaine at discount prices.  By early 1989, I was playing synthesiser in a Kajagoogoo tribute band outside of Blaine, Missouri.  My 6'2" athletic frame carried only 124 lbs. 

The next thing I remember was late 1990, I discovered Ecstacy, through my friend and band roadie Jerome.  Luckily, combined with copious amounts of LSD, amphetamines and barbituates, the ecstacy was had broken my cocaine addiction. I could now limit my cocaine use to weekends, weekdays between 6pm and 6am (with the exception of summer).  I was had hooked up with a band called EMF from the UK and things were looking up.  That is until I was let go prior to the release of their first album for my drug use.  All, I could say was "Unbelieveable".

I spent the next few years hitting the US rave circuit under the pseudonym Crayon Sandwich.  I was a favorite of trance music originator Paul Oakenfold - which was odd because I was in my late 30's.  But I was a slave to the rhythmic pumping of the rave circuit.  Following the Sioux City Icky Thump Fest... I found myself floating in the septic tank of local trailer park.  I knew I needed help.  I was taken in by a man named Skeeter and his common law wife Phadera.  I was going through some physical & psychological withdrawal from the drugs.  I asked where I could score some cocaine, but the market is awfully slow in Iowa.  Skeeter did, however, told me that he makes his own drugs.  I skeptically watched him mix thousands of cold and allergy pills with common household products.  It yielded a a substance called Methamphetamine and it became my new best friend.

The Meth allowed me to obtain employment at small business near Omaha.  It was an appliance repair shop. But that endeavor was cut short when it was discovered that I had taken apart and put back together the exact SAME blender every hour of of the 3 weeks I worked there.  I was shocked... never had I been this focused.

I hitchhiked to Southern California in early 1996 and was working as a roadie for a band called Sublime.  My friend Bradley, told me that the meth was bad for me and turned me on to his drug of choice heroin.  The heroin took hold like nothing else.  By May Bradley had died of an overdose.  I had shot him up.  I joined the Long Beach Dub All Stars as French Horn player (Mother did tell me the lessons would come in handy someday).  On a 2001 tour stop in Germany I told the band I was running out for a new lip reed and some brass polish.  On my way to the music shop, I scored some 90% heroin and never returned to the tour.

It's a bit burry, but I know I was in Amsterdam in early 2004.  I had let the heroin take over my life.  I was working a window in the "Pink Light District", a gay prostitution area adjacent to the Red Light District.  Since the heroin and meth had taken most of my teeth.... I was what they call a "natural" for this type of work.  I lived under the Amstel Bridge when I wasn't in my window.

Then, one day in 2005... I was trying to bike jack the owner of a Tulip stand, when I heard a familiar voice:  "Terry.... is that you Terry?"  It was my old partner Zeke, he was in Amsterdam for the International Cameraman Congress at the Hotel Krasnapolsky.  Initially, I attempted to fellate him and steal his wallet.  But, Zeke would have nothing of it.  He took me in and cleaned me up.  Before he left Amsterdam (business class on KLM) he handed me a ticket for a 3rd class steamer berth on a Amsterdam to Los Angeles sailing.  Sure, it would have been easier and cheaper to send me to NYC rather than take the trip around Cape Horn.... but, Zeke had a plan.  The steamer was full of a bunch of Christian Missionaries... leaving me no chance to get a hold of drugs.  Lord knows I tried.... injecting squid ink into your veins DOES NOT get you high... mostly very sick.... and purple splotches for a few weeks.

But the time I got to LA... Zeke had arranged for a rehab program for me.  One year later, I was cured of the drug addiction, but I had rediscovered a love for food.  I tipped the scales at 537 lbs.  The excess weight caused chronic back pain and has led to two knee replacements.  But, with the bariatric surgery I am now down to 276 lbs.  And.... I am free from the grips of addiction.  I only take Tylenol... and a regime of Morphine, Oxycontin, Lortab, Norco, Codiene and various patches and suckers to manage my chronic pain.  I feel like a new man.

I have recently been evicted from the Sober Living facility and have moved in with my dear friend Jeff Conaway and his wife.... you know, from Taxi and Grease.  Together we are staying clean and I am looking to make a comeback soon.

Thanks to all my fans and family for your support.  And to Zeke... I couldn't have done it with out you.

Terry

A quick word about the ads on this website

Hello folks, Terry Waters here. Solving mysteries is an expensive business. For example, just last month I had to sink $200 into my mobile unit Terry Waters Undercover Van for a new seatbelt. Turns out the government (and yes, I'm mad so I'm using a lower case "g" in government on purpose) has this law about each vehicle having working seatbelts. And, no, rope doesn't qualify -- at least not in the eyes of the infamous Officer Sampson. I'll tell you one thing, I sure know of a lot of rope that is just as strong as any seatbelt.

Anyway, sorry for my rant. It's just that until I get a new TV contract, I'm covering all the expenses myself and this seatbelt thing really set me back. The ads are on the site as a way to cover expenses. Think of it this way, the better this site does, the quicker I can uncover the truth. It's out there but it isn't cheap. -TW

Episode 01 - The Haunted Swamp of Manitoulin Island

I went to the archives and found Episode One from my TV series: The Haunted Swamp of Manitoulin Island. UPDATE: From the time of that airing, I've confirmed from several reliable sorces that 37 people have gone missing in or near the swamp -- 24 of them were from the Spry family who live nearby. Mayor Ron Marburger didn't reply to any of my emails (of course). I don't know for sure, but I'm guessing he must be pretty scared. - TW

I'm back

Hi. I'm Terry Waters. I was gone for a long time, but now I'm back. I cannot reveal my real location, but it's not really Afghanistan, I'll tell you that. Where am I? Well, if I told you, you might not mind, but a lot of other people sure would I'll tell you that. For now, sit tight. More to come later.